To be helped or not?

Should you accept all help offered?

As things become more difficult or when you obviously are challenged in some way, at some point, the offers begin:

Can I help you?

People respond to your visible (small/ larger) handicap.
A very kind offer. Then you have to choose.
Shall I accept help?
Sometimes you are glad to be helped. Sometimes you may think did I really need that? You might even accept help to please the helper. Maybe you accept without thinking. Maybe you always deny all help. Maybe you accept because you think you have to.
What is wrong with that?
Thinking about it I keep recalling my aunt.

My rolemodel needs no help

When I was about 8 years old, I realized my aunt didn't appreciate any help.
She had her wheelchair, her car, her job, her sports. When she arrived at her job two men carried her upstairs to her job wheelchair (this was the 60-ies).
I knew not to offer her any support for anything.
I know now that if she would have fallen out of her chair I wouldn't have offered my help.
I knew but I didn't understand it at all.
But now I think I do.

If you accept all help offered...

You will become more and more
depending on others.

Suppose...
You dropped out of your wheel chair and refuse to ask for help? And then you climb back in? Cursing at yourself maybe? Mad at yourself for falling off? But managing to get back up. When you accomplished it, you may be proud.
You felt the limits of your abilities.
But also the power you still have.

Suppose you can't get back in?
Than choose to ask for help.
It's still your decision.

You can keep the feeling of power, of being in control.
In charge of when and how you are helped.

As a result you won't become more afraid to drop out, because you know you can handle it.

Use any example

You may replace this example with anything that properly fits your challenges.

Some challenges need to be taken care of on a regular basis. Do you need help getting into bed at night? Make that kind of help a routine without any requests, any asking or offering.

Make arrangements for help you need daily, weekly.

That prevents you asking for the common things.
And it again gives the feeling of being in control.

Chronic Disease and every day life
Personal website at http://www.xs4all.nl/~nvwagen/english/
Feel free to copy for personal use. To publish in any form please contact me.
I do not advise in any medical matter. Please use statements, ideas, remarks to discuss or consider.