Do you help?

Help isn't always helping, I'm afraid...

Do you have a chronic ill friend? Someone less able than you, physically? Always or every now and than?

I know you want to help your friend, often.

Or maybe it has become a habit: you always help. Or do you ask your friend: Shall I help you?

What do you get? Thanks, gratitude or a harsh words?

Did you ever wonder when you should offer help? Did you ever get scorned at for not offering your help? Do you ever wonder whether you should help, offer it, wait for a request, or not offer it at all?

Each time you choose.

Help without asking? Offer your help? Not offer to help?

How to determine what is best?

I realize this is important to me. It matters who helps, when and how. Sometimes I think you ought to know better than to offer help. The next time I yell at you for not offering your arm. How to make sense?

How to determine if your help is really helpfull?

You see: this is my fear: If I accept all help offered, I will become more dependant each time. Yet some help I don't want to ask for. And I don't want to be rude or ungratefull.**

Agree to certain things and discuss how to offer your help most helpfull.

Determine what help needs to be automatic. Determine which situations require help to be offered. Check if you have to ask first or act immmediately. Try to stick to agreed non-helping-situations

Tip:

Find it hard to not offer help all the time? Remember: the best help is for your friend to stay as independant as possible.

Tip:

Do not hesitate to review your arrangements every now and than!

Good luck!

 

Chronic Disease and every day life
Personal website at http://www.xs4all.nl/~nvwagen/english/
Feel free to copy for personal use. To publish in any form please contact me.
I do not advise in any medical matter. Please use statements, ideas, remarks to discuss or consider.